Knob of the Week!

Look at the smug grin slapped across this chump's face. That's the smugness brought on as a by-product of selling over 30 MILLION albums worldwide. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's everyone's favourite drive-time dickhead, Chris Rea. It's hard to put into words my particular dislike of this artist without reeling off an infinite stream of expletives, but I shall try my best.

Chris Rea's well-honed brand of 'Soft Rock' has been polluting my ears for longer than I care to remember. I can recall growing up during the 80's, on road trips with my family listening to one of three tapes : Fleetwood Mac's 'Rumours', Dire Straits' 'Brothers In Arms' and Paul Simon's 'Graceland'. All of these albums still hold a lot of memories for me, some good, some bad but mostly they make me think of motorways. Dire Straits and Chris Rea are often lumped in together - both have that lazy-blues-mid-tempo-boogie-woogie element to their music, but where Dire Straits tend to employ that only on about half of their output, Chris Rea doesn't hold back. This gimp applies it liberally over nearly EVERYTHING he has ever produced. Both have that same 'Is he singing or is he speaking' vocal style. Maybe they should have teamed up, and called themselves Dire Rea. That's enough about Dire Straits. I quite like about 4 of their songs, so we'll leave them alone. Back to the main focus.

It's the mid-paced tempo that really offends. It's almost as if it has been purposefully used to soundtrack the drive home after work as you sit in your Mondeo, crawling along some A-road with a thousand other middle-aged wankers like yourself somewhere in Berkshire. Listen to how shit this is! It's unbearable.

Knob Of The Week!

Oh, Chris Cornell. I remember when you used to be cool. Well, not 'cool' as such, I never looked up to you in the same way I did to Eddie Vedder and Kurt when I was all about THE GRUNGE. You were slightly better than Layne Stayley though, and at least you got off the drugs, but I never thought you'd become such a giant douche. From Soundgarden to where you are now, I hope you're proud of yourself. You shouldn't be.

Your first couple of solo outings showed some promise, expecially

'Seasons' from the Singles soundtrack, and 'Euphoria Morning' wasn't

that bad, but what the fuck was up with that James Bond theme? And

don't get me started on fucking AUDIOSLAVE.

This is good :

Do us a favour. Grow your hair again, patch things up with your old band members,

just pretend it's 1992 again.

Vitamin Water, Coffee, Bacon Sandwich

Sometimes I like to remember that I once did a degree in Graphic Design. It was quite a few years ago, so you may forgive me for my memory loss. One day I may even get around to using it for a career.

Super Exciting Hot New Jams!

On Tuesday this week I decided to set myself a challenge; listen to nothing but Van Halen for the next week. I was only familiar with a small portion of their output - 'Jump' (obviously), 'Panama' and that one that that big-beat/dance/techno group sampled. I got hold of all the David Lee Roth-era albums and got down to business. That Eddie Van Halen shreds like a motherfucker! 'Women and Children First' is probably the best one in my opinion. Nasty guitars, Diamond Dave talking about going to parties and banging chicks, it's all rather good. The same can be said for all of their albums really, but this one seems to be the most concise, and the most fun.

All the early albums are recorded with just EVH in the left-hand channel which makes for interesting listening. If it gets a bit too much for you, take one earphone out. After three days it has started to grate, and I have failed. Mostly because of this.

It's a track recorded during the sessions for their album, 'Tail, Swallower and Dove', released last year. It's the fucking TITS. I don't think I could love this band any more if I tried. This track is available from iTunes, so do yourselves a favour and get all over it.

Hangover cure!

No, not eating a bowl of cables.

Urgh. I had a few drinks yesterday, down at the James Street Tavern. Watched a skate DVD, listened to some bald guy singing depressing songs, had some macaroni cheese. It was a pretty good day. This morning has been fairly rough though, but I think I have just discovered something that maybe no-one else has ever thought of before. You've heard of Lucozade Sport? You've heard of Berocca? Put that shit together! Break a Berocca open in two, put it in your 'Zade. Boom! It tastes pretty fucking good too.

This is that bald guy I saw yesterday. He is quite talented it has to be said. His album, 'The Animal' comes out on September 28th. You should probably buy it.