Back to school with you, Sonny!

'Numpty', that's a good word. It's fun to say, and it's a rather inoffensive way of calling someone a fucking moron. It's almost affectionate. It's a shame it can't be applied here though, I'm afraid something I witnessed earlier today requires a word with far more weight, disdain and cruelty.

Whilst walking through the delight that is Oxford's Westgate Centre* this morning, en route to Sainsbury's, I caught a glimpse of a particularly simple-looking man. His first mistake was wearing just a T-Shirt. It's November, it's cold, and it has also been raining. Put a fucking coat on. I think the reason behind it was probably so he could show off his shitty tribal tattoos. As our paths drew nearer, I noticed the words 'Lesbians' in large type on this T-Shirt, and naturally my interest was piqued. Above said word was written the phrase 'Dip Me In Chocolate And Feed Me To The'. This statement annoys me for a number of reasons :

1. It's not funny

2. I don't really know what he is trying to achieve by wearing it. Is it that people will read it and think 'Haha! That's pretty funny. I bet that guy's a real fucking character!', or worse still, does he think that someone will read it AND ACTUALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN?

3. It's a bit arrogant to think that he, as a man, once dipped in chocolate will suddenly become desirable to 'The Lesbians' as an entire group of people, that just because he is covered in chocolate, suddenly every one of 'The Lesbians' fancies a bit of cock.

4. It's not funny.

I've never been a big fan of 'slogan' T-Shirts (apart from my own one - wait for the public airing of that) at all. They appeal to the exact sort of people I dislike. There's quite a wide group of people I dislike by the way, and no rules as to categorize them, it's almost autocratic. Stupid shit like 'You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Aren't Talking To You', and my favourite of all time 'You Laugh At Me Because I'm Different, I Laugh at You Because You're All The Same'. I have seen at least 5 Goths wearing that T-shirt in the past 2 years, mostly when they are in a group, all dressed the same. I don't think they quite got the irony.

So, I'm still trying to come up with a word to describe this douchebag. Or I could just let it go. He's done me no harm, apart from causing me to think about something so trivial for far too long. But that's my problem, not his. If I ever see him again, I'm sure I won't recognise him. Unless he's wearing that fucking T-Shirt.

*Does anyone remember when the Westgate Centre used to be the 'nice' one, and the Clarendon Centre was the shit one? My, how times have changed. That Westgate Centre needs to step up it's game. It's all budget retailing. I'm surprised there are not more empty shops in there. One particular phenomenon I have noticed recently is the closure of one cheap bookshop, and the immediate opening of another one. They co-existed for roughly a week. Maybe it had something to do with the lighting. The original shitty bookshop was illuminated like a cave. It was horrible, dank, nasty, and the sight of a staff member sat by the door picking his nose is not very inviting. The newer one is brightly lit, and has a really, really hot girl working there. Next time you go to Sainbury's, have a look. She's not there every day so if you happen to chance upon an ugly skank, that's not her!